Office Coffins Coming Soon?

"hillrat" (hillrat) 09/17/2020 at 09:35 • Filed to: None

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“ The New Rose Hotel is a coffin rack on the ragged fringes of Narita International. Plastic capsules a meter high and three long, stacked like surplus Godzilla teeth in a concrete lot off the main road to the airport. Each capsule has a television mounted flush with the ceiling. I spend whole days watching Japanese game shows and old movies.”

That’s from an old William Gibson short story, but it’s coming to your office soon. Behold the insanity:

facw > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:47

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People are a little late in realizing that open plan offices suck. My company has one, but at least we put a ton of 2-3 person meeting rooms that can be used when you actually want to get work done. Reinventing the phone booth isn’t the answer, there’s a reason offices are office sized.

For Sweden > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:47

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lolno

Spanfeller is a twat > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:48

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“Find happiness”

-An advertisement

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:53

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Link to the full Gibson story?

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:54

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Just transitioning...

Tripper > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 09:59

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Hah, just looking at that thing makes me tense.

The Ghost of Oppo > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:00

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We had a couple of these in the office. Some people would use them for sales calls but most of the time they were just used for people to make personal calls. I doubt any employer plans on replacing cubicles with these things.  

hillrat > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 09/17/2020 at 10:10

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http://www.lib.ru/GIBSON/hotel.txt

hillrat > facw 09/17/2020 at 10:13

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Nah man, it’s not a phone booth; it’s a bring your own phone booth. We’ve hacked phone booths! Way more sanitary and way less maintenance. We’re going to leverage synergies for a major paradigm shift.

outrageousking > facw 09/17/2020 at 10:15

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Sorry, the serfs don’t get offices. Harder for their overlords to supervise them if they can’t see all their workers at once.

nermal > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:19

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None of this. Employees that have moved to work-from-home this year aren’t going back to the office.

The corporate real estate market is gonna get obliterated when businesses see how much $$$ they save with remote workers vs expensive office space, and they either break or don’t renew leases . On the flip side, technology providers that enable remote work are gonna be booooooming for the foreseeable future.

hillrat > nermal 09/17/2020 at 10:21

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If my experience is any guide, the money saved by companies having remote workers will not be shared. I had one job that was 100% telework and they paid me dust for internet and phone. When I asked about it they said that the money I saved getting to/from work should cover that. Fuck these companies.

Nom De Plume > For Sweden 09/17/2020 at 10:25

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Just wait until they sardine this conceptual innovation into passenger planes.  Babies, bare feet, B.O.   Banished

Thomas Donohue > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:25

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Those are just privacy booths (like the government skifs) for shared office space, I’ve seen them in many open offices and pay-per-day places like WeWork an Regus. You’re only supposed to be in it for 30 min or less if you have a confidential phone call you need to be on.  It’s no different than an old school phone booth, but with WiFi!

It’s better than having one person lock the door to a huge conference room for privacy.

For Sweden > Nom De Plume 09/17/2020 at 10:26

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No one is going to meet evacuation regulations with an airplane filled with pods.

facw > Nom De Plume 09/17/2020 at 10:29

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hahaha, the only part of this making its way onto planes will be the “perch” style seating which will let them shrink seat pitches a few more inches.

PartyPooper2012 > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:30

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LOL. Would they have reimbursed you for commuting to work? probably not.

Something to be said that the cost of internet etc or commuting to work may be tax deductible . Doesn’t make you jump for joy when you deduct internet costs off your tax bill, but it’s something

facw > The Ghost of Oppo 09/17/2020 at 10:30

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They don’t replace cubes. Open plan workspaces replace cubes, and then these awful things compensate for the fact the office is now too loud to work effectively.

hillrat > Thomas Donohue 09/17/2020 at 10:32

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Not sure what kind of SCIFs you’re going to, but the last time I went into one there was an airlock type of thing where they scanned you down to the atoms after you had surrendered ALL (phone, wallet, keys, only thing I was allowed to keep was a handkerchief) your stuff.

hillrat > PartyPooper2012 09/17/2020 at 10:35

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I’ve worked for companies where they paid for parking and subsidized your home internet and phone service. Used to get $160 for parking, $30 for internet, and $20 for phone. That’s an extra $2500/year but alas I think those days may be gone forever.

Thomas Donohue > facw 09/17/2020 at 10:35

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Open offices don’t work when you fill them with people who work there every day, all day. You need at least a decent cubicle with some semblance of privacy for a standard ‘office’.

For flexible work space, open plans work pretty well. H aving worked semi-remotely for over 12 years, I like being able to grab a quick seat and be productive instead of having to search for an empty office or conf room, only to be moved 30 min later because someone else needs that room.

Like most things, it depends on the company and their workforce....as you said the small meeting rooms are great for quick meetings or calls, as long as people don’t hog them.  On the other side of that coin, people need to know when to use a room instead of holding a loud four person meeting right next to someone else’s open workspace.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:36

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Good stuff.

... your child’s mouth opening to reveal some fresh past, and always the one, you swore, that was really and finally the truth.

------

Only please come here. Hold my hand.

hillrat > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 09/17/2020 at 10:42

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If you enjoyed that I highly recommend “Burning Chrome” (short story collection) and “Count Zero” (same world, different people). Definitely easy to find at a used bookstore if you’re into that sort of thing.

Thomas Donohue > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:42

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I meant it was ‘like’ one, used when you are going to be talking about something sensitive that you didn’t want other people to hear. There are many kinds , like the Yugo version above for someone who needs to talk to their doctor while at work , and the Ferrari versions for national security measures.

subexpression > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:46

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I saw a company that had moved nearl y all of the worker bees and the first 3 tiers of management to an open floor plan where they were packed elbow to elbow at tables , and the next few tiers of management were in glass-front offices like fishbowls. L ittle phone rooms were scattered all over, and they added a bunch of small conference rooms including ones that you couldn’t reserve because they were for unplanned discussions . Then, after creating this horrendous work environment, they very proudly trumpeted the “quiet room” they built for people to get away from the noise for a few minutes during the day.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:49

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Thanks!

You’d probably enjoy this. A friend wrote it, and I did the cover design:

https://www.amazon.com/Projections-Joshua-Danker-Dake/dp/B08FP25GC8/

Roadkilled > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 10:58

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Office coffin or casket?

PartyPooper2012 > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 11:05

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In kindergarten, we got naps and free food for breakfast and lunch.

Up till about 5th grade we had lunch free. Then... no mores.

Been waiting for free lunch since then. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 11:05

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Wow, that’s good reading. And not the sort of thing I want an office privacy area to remind me of.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > PartyPooper2012 09/17/2020 at 11:20

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Trumps tax changes eliminated that so I’m paying full freight for internet and phone, then again I’m almost saving $1000 a month on commuting costs and I got 20 hours a week back so I’m counting WFH as a net gain .

Nom De Plume > For Sweden 09/17/2020 at 11:29

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“ Quick, everyone to the escape ___s!” as lifted from the pages and screens of multiple space age stories.

Nom De Plume > facw 09/17/2020 at 11:33

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Exactly, and that was 1st class seating.

Economy class p ods on the outside with a cylindrical curve might not even have to worry about in flight meals being a physical possibility.

PyroHoltz f@h Oppo 261120 > facw 09/17/2020 at 11:57

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Good listen if you like the freakonomics guys

https://freakonomics.com/podcast/open-offices/

hillrat > PartyPooper2012 09/17/2020 at 12:03

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Your name is very apropos.

Thisismydisplayname > PartyPooper2012 09/17/2020 at 12:08

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Commuting to work isn’t tax deductible, unless you are traveling from a home office location to satellite job sites. The first leg of the trip to get you to the Main office is on you, if you travel on from there, then it becomes deductible. And then you eat your return trip home.  

Chariotoflove > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 12:23

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Only if you make mine like this:

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 12:29

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My employer is covering 50% of my internet and pays for my phone luckily

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 13:08

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At least the office ones will preserve your bodily tissues so they can be converted into real coffins easily:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-11-12/who-makes-wework-phone-booths-a-now-defunct-manufacturer

edit:

open offices generally poorly implemented. I’ve seen it work in some places, but a lot just take out the cubes and offices without much consideration of the side effects. One place I worked at did technical consulting ... half the people were on teleconferences all the time and couldn’t decamp to a meeting room because they need their monitors and stuff. One guy in particular was deaf in one ear and spoke very loudly (and clearly, to his credit) ... there were times where people hid in the conference room (ironically) to work, individually, on their own things.

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > For Sweden 09/17/2020 at 13:29

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An airplane filled with pods just ejects them to evacuate. The pods being equipped with emergency oxygen, an inflatable door seal to retain what pressurization they have, and a parachute if ejected at altitude, and inflatable bags for landfall or water floatation.

If a plane is damaged enough for evac in mid-air... a skeleton airframe would be all that would crash, minus the cockpit and crew capsules, and all the passenger pods having been ejected.

PartyPooper2012 > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 13:36

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I was wondering if I should change my name. It’s been a while since it’s been confirmed. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > Thomas Donohue 09/17/2020 at 14:07

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Can confirm a similar device at a WeWork. I used one of them several times. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > nermal 09/17/2020 at 14:09

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Our company isn’t following that trend. They required us to return to the office as of August 14th.

I wish we could continue working from home.

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. 09/17/2020 at 14:25

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Not to mention... if a pod or pods were structurally damaged from the outside, and causing decompression... the passengers can quickly get out of the pods affected, and seal the doors behind them, and limit the decompression to just those pods without ejecting them to maintain airframe shape, and allow the aircraft to perform and emergency landing, if possible.

If evac later becomes an issue... those displaced passengers would have to occupy overflow in the crew compartment, cockpit compartment, or any other un-booked and unoccupied remaining passenger pods... or direct parachute sky-diving with spare chutes.

Thomas Donohue > TheRealBicycleBuck 09/17/2020 at 14:44

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zipfuel > hillrat 09/17/2020 at 16:16

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We’d already have those (built in not freestanding) if Covid hadn’t put the brakes on my company’s dreams for a sillicon valley s tylee open-plan flagship headquarters. Tiny shared pods, no cubicle walls, standing desks, phone booths for private calls, lots of collaboration spaces for groups of people to gather... It all seemed like such a good idea in 2018! Doesn’t really matter that the construction got delayed cos it’s not like we’d be moving in anyway. Maybe we’ll all get shower curtains and Lysol spray.